My mother is the most important person in my life.
I have been mentioning her in almost all of the essays I write.
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The problem is, I cannot really express how I feel about her in just words. My mother is not my whole life, but she is a really big part of it. My whole world does not only revolve around her, but she is the most influential person who inspires me
. My mother is not just another woman. She is extraordinary. I have known her for sixteen years, three months, one day and nineteen hours.
I write of Tamil, a language that currently counts more than 70 million speakers in India and Sri Lanka, and in Singapore, Malaysia, and other parts of the global South Asian diaspora. With a deep and complex history on the
subcontinent rivaled only by Sanskrit, Tamil inspired the praise and adoration of many of its speakers from its early recorded literary history
traceable back to the opening years of the first millennium of the common era
. In the later half of the nineteenth century in colonial India, this admiration intensified to the point that the language was imagined as a mother/goddess variously referred to as Tamiḻttāy, Tamil Aṉṉai, and Tamiḻ Tēvi. Over the course of the first half of the twentieth century, the veneration of and devotion to the mother/goddess Tamil variously fueled powerful movements for religious revitalization, the deepening of linguistic pride and love for Tamil literature
, a vigorous assertion of Tamil identity, even a separatist movement for independent statehood free of India. In the course of such developments, Mother Tamil or Tamiḻttāy herself no longer remains just a goddess of language
, learning and literature, but also emerges as a mistress of territory and polity.
I know her very well, and I had learned to love her since the day we first met. Relatives always tell me stories about my birth. They tell me how important I was to my mom. I was the foundation of her joy, strength
, peace and love. She has never lied to me about my father.
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I do not remember asking about him. Ever since, I already knew he was in a better place. I do not remember my mom having a hard time explaining to me my situation â€“ having no father. She was always straightforward. She explained things very simply, like she knew everything. I thank her for being simple. I thank her for telling me the truth, so that I did not need to believe a lie that
would have made things â€˜easierâ€™ for me. When in fact, not knowing the truth would have made things complicated. She has taught me all I need to know to live life as a sixteen-year old teenage girl. She taught me how to feel. Well, she did not only do that. She showed me how to handle these feelings of anger, fear, guilt, joy, sadness, excitement, hate and anxiety. She also showed me how to give and take. I learned from her that
giving is a lot harder than taking, but the former is much more satisfying when it is done.
This essay has an unusual protagonist: a language that comes to be transformed into an object of love and devotion, producing in the process an unusual visual presence for a spoken tongue.
She told me that giving makes one happy. I am sure she is right because half of her life, she has been giving me what I need, and in spite of all that years of giving, she is happy. Though very slowly, I am learning how to give
freely. Little by little