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Dumbest ever

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Top Ten Dumbest Things Students Have Written In Their School Essays

These are collected from papers written by real students for exam purposes. These include the beginning lines.,.

The Top Ten

1 Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

I think he/she got a bit carried away while writing the description.

- Kiteretsunu

I am familiar with... - writingneeds-

2 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

What an interesting simile! - keyson

3 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

Yes, K, I guess you should call him/her a nerd.

- PositronWildhawk

Should I call him/her a nerd? - Kiteretsunu

Awesome... I have the feeling we could be friends.

Friedman starts in his usual breezy, know-it-all style, “I wasn’t surprised…. And I won’t be surprised…” at discoveries by English police at a bookstore in Leeds. These include video games, Islamic video games. Friedman ominously explains, “The video games feature apocalyptic battles between defenders of Islam and opponents.” I couldn’t help thinking of General Ripper darkly telling a stunned Peter Sellers as Mandrake about fluoride, children, and water in Doctor Strangelove. Good God, Friedman lives in a country up to its armpits in violent video games, violent books and magazines, violent music, and a hell of a lot more genuine violence than the English can even imagine.

4 He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.

Therefore, he must have been something like 5'7". - PositronWildhawk

5 John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Duude... I'd like to know how much experience this guy has with hummingbirds!

6 She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Why would you know that?!?

8 The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Devoted to human freedom, you must embrace even the freedom to express stupidity. So I can happily report that a week ago at this writing Thomas Friedman struck a mighty blow for freedom with one of the dumbest columns he has ever written, “Giving the Hatemongers No Place to Hide” (July 22, NYT), although his regular readers may not forgive my distinguishing this column from his regular output.

This guy really hates his brother-in-law. - Kiteretsunu

9 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

Just use it in the climax of a really romantic novel and wait for the response from its readers.

- Kiteretsunu

This was so very funny! How would a student have the nerve to do this?! He must have been a romantic Wodehouse fan!
The hummingbirds one was also real funny, lolz! - HezarioSeth

10 "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

I feel kinda weird on thinking what could have been the reaction of the teacher who read this.

- Kiteretsunu

This is just bizarre. Why did you put it so low down, tell me true? - PositronWildhawk

Teacher may have called the parents - zuni

How old was s/he ? - funnyuser

The Contenders

11 He was playing Football like Brazil did against Germany
12 He looked like a person trying to spit watermelon seeds and pop his eyeballs at the same time


13 She had just left for school, looking like an idiot
14 She would eat a booger.
15 This is Stupd
16 I Wanna Go Home Dudez
17 Because of the plot, the conflict is the effect.
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The State Department’s annual human rights report is a document with ghastly shortcomings. Perhaps Friedman likes it because it reflects many of his own qualities - arrogant, insulting, inaccurate, and deliberately incomplete. Everyone outside the United States recognizes the report as biased and used mainly as a bludgeon against countries from which the United States seeks concessions of some kind, usually economic. Incomplete? Just ask Amnesty International, the United States itself very much belongs on any such list compiled without bias: police and prison brutality there are routine, daily events.

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